Awkward talks with family and friends are over
This weekend I spent talking to the last bit of family and friends about my situation. The two most common responses where get a job and no response. So writing on here for this blog was a no go. The joys of having no real followers is nice in that aspect that I can take the time to deal with my emotions.
As by the end of the weekend I had a belief that I was valued so little that I'm not worth helping. As I have a job It's just not enough, Working 3 full time jobs may not even be enough at this point in time. No one seems to get this though. That I try everyday, Keeping myself as happy as I can while I apply for jobs that pays enough to support me. I contact social programs for help but there isn't any.
I have to do this everyday, I get rejected every single day over and over and over again. I still have to find a way to get up each morning and logically what is the point anymore and do the same calls. The emotional components to being in this situation is much worse then being homeless. It simply takes it's toll and it's huge cost. The worse part is each time I have to explain why I'm where I am I have to live those moments every single day over and over again. There is no closure just dealing with it enough that I can still function. As you have to deal with the emotions, if not your going to try and numb them and that creates an even bigger problem.
It's why getting stuff for me to survive the now with a tent trailer or camping things is my first concern. I just don't know how to connect with people to make any attempt at a fundraiser worth while.