This weekend I had to deal with my emotions. It was really hard to get a control of my thoughts. Nothing seemed to help, not exercise, meditation, games, comedies, and not even me time. As no matter how nice I was to myself, the same thoughts kept coming forward. Trying to deal with the emotions just seemed to make me feel worse then better.
So I had to do the only option left to me which was to sleep. As I needed the momentum of my thoughts stopped and everything else was not working. I just wanted out of this mess and I still have no answers. It's very hard not to try and scream for help but that isn't who I am. As I want a lifestyle the only way I feel I can get it not only the now but for the future is from within.
It's not like I haven't tried to ask for help because I have. I have contacted every social agency for help. There is no help at this time from our government services. At least not where I live. I do hear that services are better on the west coast. I just don't have faith in traveling across the Canadian Prairies in the middle of Winter to see.
The other problem with asking for help is what happens when you are told no over and over again for an extended period of time. The amount of jealousy and the wanting of lashing out skyrockets. At least for me, till I remember why I feel the way I do. The simple truth is there is not enough recourses in the system to deal with the number of problems we have in the system.
We have avoided dealing with things like homelessness, housing, addictions, and most importantly mental health. Now with everything skyrocketing in prices it seems we may have found a breaking point. It's why I must find the solution within, It's why I need to shift the way I ask for help to. Which is for other people to find value in what I'm trying to do. Which is to find myself and my way of helping people. As my world is forever changed because of this.