I got up this morning at 2am. Prepared to read a book I've had a lot of trouble finishing it despite starting it a bunch of times. The book is called The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace D. Wattles, instead of being able to read I was overwhelmed with emotions. It quickly turned into having to listen to music to deal with the emotions. Listening to certain songs that will always illicit a specific emotion.
That emotion to me today was talking to my dad. I know this because of the song I led myself to. Dancing in the Sky by Dani and Lizzy. That was the song I attached to his death. The truth is I haven't been whole since he left, as I still don't think I've dealt with it. As he died in my arms while I screamed for help and no one came. I didn't know how to deal with that so I had to let it go at the time. As I had other people counting on me. The thoughts after this kept getting worse. As I was clearing kicking my own butt trying to get myself to deal with it.
So I then played Lord give me a sign by DMX. And when the song ended and I went back to Spotify to see where the next song took me. A pop up advertisement came up. Saying It starts here, it was an advertisement for mental health from the Canadian Government. Which led me to a Covid-19 resources for parents and children. I got to the point where it Said take care of yourself, Know your limit, and connect. Those are the words that popped out on the screen. Suddenly I was fine again. I felt like I was in neutral.
Waiting for my next input, and I asked for a happy thought. The Journey came to mind immediately. Then the thought of being in nature, writing my book. Connecting with new people. Finding my value as a person again. How there is no place left to go but up. How amazing it will feel when I get my trailer. Then I had a negative thought come in but I quickly swatted it away. As life is a magnet the things you are attracted to you will see. It's why everyone see's things differently as we all have our own magnet which attracts things to our lives.