Why is it so much easier to fight, or think negatively about someone. Then deal with the emotion behind the negativity? I've been having trouble with this the last few days. I keep doing the same things over and over and over again and yielding no results. If there is something to do in the now. I don't have to deal with the now. It doesn't matter if it's a company an agency a friend or even a family member.
It's increasingly difficult not to think or say negative things to or about these people. It bothers me because I'm judging people on the perception that they can help me and our choosing not to. When I have no real answers after a year of searching. Our social agencies do get funding, but I'm not the only person in this spot. I'm really upset at the fact the program is so underfunded when so many need help.
Friends and Family is the hardest ones. The ones we know can help but don't or at least we belief can help. Then you have other feelings such as jealousy and instead of being nice to yourself your shutting yourself off from everyone. As you start to value your worth, as if no one values you do you even matter? Because if you where valued why don't they want to help you? How do you talk to someone when you are valued?
Don't you love that you can determine your value to someone, without ever asking or being told? You never dare ask, as it's much better to fight or think ill of someone or something than deal with the emotion. For me I'm scared, I have never went camping before let alone been Homeless. I'm scared my story is going to ruin me. As it has already cost me everything. It's why I fight so hard not to tell it, and even harder not to give in to the emotion behind my now. As I'm done living scared and I'm dealing with the emotions with these blogs.